I'm Not Okay
by Invaderness
Summary: She wasn't alright, that much he could tell. Why did he want to help her? These things were beyond his control. ZaGr XD Please R&R! Invader Zim! Blah blah excetera, NOW READ!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Ok so I don't really know where I'm going with this. If I get bored and don't write anymore, don't blame me.  
**

_** Cold yet warm. Lost yet calm. Is this what being dead feels like? **_

_** I can hear faint voices, as if their coming from far away. Who's voices are they? Why does this seem so familiar yet I can't figure out what's happening. **_

_** Why is this thing hugging me? In case it didn't notice, I radiate danger and affection is not tolerated. Even though it's invading my personal space its words are still deformed.**_

_** Darn it, why can't I name that voice? It's not Dib's for certain, he knows not to hug me. Is this someone I'm close too? It's definitely not dad, his voice is too stern to match this one. **_

_** Oh well, this is just a dream anyways. Still this things voice, it seem so real, so comforting. I almost want to give into temptation. But I won't! I can't! I have a reputation to uphold if you didn't know! **_

_** Just as the warm affection was getting to me, a chill ran down my spine and the whole scene began to change. **_

_** Before I had been staring into a black void, but now I was somewhere else. Not that it was any better. Everything is blurry and a shade of pink or purple. I wanted to turn around, to move about and explore this place, but I'm frozen. As I try to move, I hear a voice, this time, clearly. **_

_** "What's wrong little Gaz? Can't move?" A voice LOADED with ego chirped. **_

_** I opened my mouth to speak (luckily I could still do that) and while I was aware of what I was saying in my mind, it came out muffled. Why was his voice so clear? **_

_** "I suppose I'll just have to carry you then." He said, sighing, but showing a tiny smile. **_

_** I started to shake as I stared at him. The image my mind created of him stood still as I became cold and more voices flooded into my head, this time with the voices of Dib and my father. **_

_** I fell onto my knees as the figment of my imagination laid a cold gloved hand on my shoulder as I trembled. **_

_** "Wake up." He said as his last words echoed in my mind.  
**_

Gaz woke up, gasping for breath. Her eyes were clenched tight and her nails were digging into her bed sheets. She looked around, notifying that she had not moved from her room, in which she had fallen asleep hours ago. She mentally scolded herself for being so frightened of a dream

Especially a dream about HIM.

Gaz rolled herself out of bed groggily. Her violet hair was a mess, not that she cared. In fact, Gaz had never really CARED about her looks unless she was trying to look extra menacing.

Most girls would give anything to have a body like hers, which was naturally petite and slender. Gaz HATED that. She hated attention from her peers unless they were regarding her with fear. And thus, she never worked out, she ate pizza EVERY DAY, and never participated in any sports or activities and she STILL remained the way she was.

To the evil girl it was quite irritating that she could never get rid of that attention. In fact (and in no way was she being considered "vain") Gaz checked herself in the mirror every day to make sure she was looking as horrendous as possible.

However, today she was in for a treat.

She hadn't bothered to change out of her signature outfit last night (which consisted of her sleeveless black dress and her trademark skull necklace) so she figured she's look just the same today.

She was wrong.

Gaz groggily examined herself in her full length mirror. At first she saw nothing out of the ordinary, just the same cold hearted girl staring back as she had seen the night before. But then she examined her limbs. Deep fresh looking scars decorated her arms and legs. Gaz got a sick feeling in her stomach as she stared at them in disbelief.

Before Gaz could question in her mind where they came from she heard Dib shout.

"Gaz you ready yet?! If you take any longer we might be late!" Dib called.

Gaz growled to herself. She would have to deal with these scars later. What was important right now was hiding them from Dib. She knew if Dib took one glance at her wounds he'd be all over her.

She already had a migrane, the last thing she needed is to hear more of Dib's annoying voice than necessary.

"Shut up Dib I'll be ready soon!" She called down to her brother.

Hearing the aggravation in Gaz's voice he decided not to protest or complain.

Gaz scrambled to find something to cover up the nasty scars. She finally found a black turtle neck sweater Dib had given her a few Christmas' ago. She hoped that she had stayed the same size. She slipped the shirt over her tank top. Luckily it was only a little snug. Good thing the weather forecast predicted it to be a cool week.

Gaz then found black tights and a purple skirt (that matched her hair) to put over it.

Gaz looked at herself in the mirror disapprovingly. She looked more fashionable than she would've liked to be, but she didn't have any time or any other clothes to change into. Besides, Dib would be suspicious if she stayed home and he was so much more annoying when he was suspicious.

Gaz slipped into her black combat boots and walked downstairs.

Dib was wearing his usual apparel as he sat watching television. Once he heard Gaz come down stairs he flicked the TV off and turned her.

"G-gaz! I gave that turtle neck to you 3 years ago. Why are you wearing it all of a sudden?" Dib stammered as he observed Gaz's clothing.

Gaz gave Dib an annoyed glare and he started to regret that he had spoken.

"I can wear whatever I want whenever I want, Dib. You're not the boss of me!" Gaz growled at Dib.

Dib was shaken up for a moment but then he calmed down realizing Gaz wasn't going to beat him up.

"Whatever Gaz, let's just get going. Zim's probably already there! Doing stuff…" He said flailing his hands in the air.

In response Gaz just grunted and grabbed her Gameslave from the counter and began to play.

It turned out that they weren't late at all. Kids were still roaming the hall. Chatting, giggling, ticking Gaz off. She absolutely HATED them. Ok so maybe, hate wasn't the right word. She just couldn't stand their presence, therefore she preferred to bury herself in her Game rather than actually speak to anyone.

Fortunately everyone, with the exception of a few unfortunate new kids, at this HiSkool Knew her from Elementary Skool so they never tried to interfere with her. Actually they went out of their way to avoid even coming close to the dark gamer girl.

Just as Gaz rounded the corner to go to her locker, she found her way blocked by a mob of people. She growled. If these people dared to block her path there must be something going on.

She proceeded to push her way through the crowd. Before she even got to the front of the mob she recognized that same ego filled voice from her dream.

"Zim." She muttered as she pushed people out of the way.

The "Alien Menace" her brother always talked about was pinning someone to her locker.

It was a smaller, weaker looking boy squirming in Zim's grasp. Gaz glared. She didn't care what the fight was about or why it was taking place in front of her locker, all she knew is that Zim had better move or he was dead.

As Zim threw punches at the smaller boy, Gaz moved behind him and growled.

"Move." She growled in a dark tone

Everyone became silent. They knew from past experience that if they didn't leave now they'd end up injured. As everyone left Zim tensed up and turned around, allowing the small boy to slide to the ground and run off.

From one of Dib's ramblings Gaz had managed to listen enough to know that Earth's gravity was doing something to allow Zim to grow taller or what-not. As much as Gaz hated it, Dib was right. Zim now stood a few inches taller than Gaz.

Not that it intimidated her. She had beaten up Zim before and his height had nothing to do with it. She was just strong, even he had to admit it.

Zim sneered at here, looking her in the eye.

"What did you say?" Zim asked, his glare not faltering.

Gaz growled, Zim would've been dead by now if her arms weren't so sore from the scars.

"I said, MOVE!" Gaz growled.

Zim just gave her a smirk, which added to her anger.

"Why should I, Little Gaz?" He said, smirking.

Gaz became infuriated. He shouldn't have to ask WHY she wanted him to leave, he had to do it or he knew she would kill him. She wanted to slap that smirk off his stupid little face. She growled and punched him in the face.

"That's why." Gaz said, still irritated.

Gaz pushed Zim out of the way as she collected her books and slammed her locker. AS she was walking away he laid a hand on her shoulder and spun her around.

At first, she glared at him, but then when he didn't do anything she raised her eyebrow and pushed him away.

"Weirdo." Gaz mumbled as she walked off to first period.

She mentally cursed. Her headache was becoming larger, she had first period with the most cheerful teacher in the whole skool, AND she had 3 more periods with Zim.

She never really paid attention to Zim, but her brother wanted her to. He had this idea that Zim did interesting stuff during class, but all she'd ever seen him do is sit there looking bored. The annoying thing about Zim, though, is that recently she'd been finding his gaze more and more directed at her.

As I told you, Gaz HATES attention, so this provokes her very much. But it's not all bad. She had her gameslave so she could drown everyone out. Despite everyone else having to pay attention in class most of Gaz's teachers were terrified of her, so she was allowed to play whenever she wanted to.

However in first period Gaz's headache became horrible, so she paused her Gameslave and flipped it shut. She decided she would use this time to shut out the world and try to remember the events of last night, and hopefully remember what might've caused the scars.

They were pretty wide, almost as if whatever had caused them had might've had claws. But Gaz couldn't remember anyone scratching her. All she remembered was getting home from school, playing her games, eating Bloaty's, going into her room, and then nothing.

She also wondered about her dream. She was certain it had been Zim in the first and second scene. Why did she dream of Zim hugging her? He had seemed so… friendly with her. Sure, he sounded a little smug, but he talked to her as if they were friends. She was NOT friends with that nuisance.

Gaz sighed out loud, earning some looks from her classmates. She just glared at them all and put her head in her arms. The headache was killing her! She closed her eyes and hoped that this class would be over soon. She couldn't stand it much longer….

_ Here I am again, staring into a black abyss. Wait never mind, the scene is changing. I'm at the park. Well I guess now's a time good as any to take a dream walk. _

_ Oh and look who's here to join me, surprise surprise, Zim. _

_This time I can handle it. _

_ "Little Gaz, you enjoy Earth Parks right?" Zim said as he walks along with me. _

_ "Ugh I guess so." I say to him, glaring. _

_ He looks like he's uncomforatable. Good, squirm you stupid alien, get out of my dreams. _

_ The scene then changes again and I wish I was back at the park. It's dark and cold. Whatever, I'm Gaz Membrane, I CREATE nightmare worlds. _

_ I heard something crawling behind me, then breath on my shoulder. I refused to turn around and look. I knew that if I looked I would regret it. I knew for some reason that my mind had created a sick version of him. _

_ "Why are you here. In my dreams?" I asked, inhaling sharply. _

_I could practically hear him smirk. Instead of answering my question he decided to play with my hair. I growled at him. _

_ "I asked you a question. I sneered. "Now why are you here?" _

_He smiled and whispered into my ear _

_ "Because you want me here." _

__**Author's Note: Ok I know it's really bad but…. R&R please? Give me ideas people! I'm not sure where this is going so don't be surprised if the description doesn't match the story. NICE criticism is accepted, but flamers, haters, etc will be… IGNORED.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Well here you go… Chappie 2. I'm deciding to write some of this in Gaz's POV.**

"Miss Membrane, Miss Membrane!" I heard from my overly peppy teacher.

"W-wah?" I studdered, lifting my head up from my arms.

"Tsk, tsk, falling asleep in class are we?" Mr. Darwin said, looking down at me with a stern gaze.

I couldn't help but feel a blush rise to my cheeks. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, and I usually never got caught. I could hear several kids behind me snicker. I turned around and glared at them causing utter silence to ensue.

"Oh well Miss Membrane, class is over anyhow, meet me after school for detention." He said, his usual care-free smile gone.

I growled and mentally noted not to fall asleep in class again. As I gathered my things and followed the mob of my peers into the hallway I couldn't help but think about my dream. The park scene had been completely random, yet I remember that day. It was a past memory of mine when I was in middle school.

That was the day Dib got taken to the asylum, again. Something about the government lying about the existence of Big feets. Knowing that my dad would bail him out, I decided to just take a walk in the park, where Zim confronted me. He was probably looking for Dib and figured I'd know his whereabouts. He asked me a bunch of weird and random questions until I told him to back off. I didn't know why my mind would take me to that memory. It was completely irrelevant and had nothing to do about an intimate relationship between Zim and I.

For the second scene, well that was just absurd! I never asked for that stupid annoyance to enter my dreams. It's bad enough I already have to deal with him at skool and in Dib's ramblings. I would've given up sleep if it continued.

I started to ponder if these dreams had any connection to my scars. Maybe I was scratching myself in my sleep? Or maybe Zim had planted some sort of device in me that gave me these dreams. Maybe the scars were part of the process of getting it into me. I made a mental note to confront him about it later.

For the rest of the day I was in sort of a zombie state. I wasn't fully aware of what was going on around me. As far as I knew I could've been smiling, considering some of the looks I acknowledged from other people. Lunch pretty much the same as always. Dib and Zim were pursuing each other in a fight as always.

Finally 6th period came. All I had to do was survive one last period with Zim, and detention, and I was home free. Thank God I had my Gameslave. Once I got into class most of the back seats were taken so I sat at the front and continued to immerse myself in my Gameslave. I was unaware as people took seats until finally I acknowledged someone plopping themself in the seat beside me. I peeked up from my game to check if anyone I couldn't stand had sat next to me. Unfortunately for me, it was Zim.

I had never been so thankful in my life that I had my Gameslave. The last dream I had about Zim was giving me chills, no matter how hard I tried to hold them in. The last thing I needed was to see his stupid face. I was hardly aware of the teacher walking into the room as she began to teach.

As the time ticked away and I slashed my sword into the undead pork menaces as I felt something gently tap my arm. I chose to ignore it as I continued to kill off the enemies. Then, again, the tapping came. This time it was slightly annoying. I grunted and continued my game, trying my hardest to ignore the tapping.

For a few minutes the tapping stopped, and then it ensued again as the tapping became rapid. I paused my game and hissed

"What?!"

Zim looked back at me as if I had insulted him. He had a piece of paper in his hand. He slid it on my desk and then ignored me as the teacher walked by. I sighed. If it was a note from Zim it had to be a waste of my time. Still though, he wouldn't stop his tapping until I read it. I flipped the paper (which was face down) over and read it. It read:

**Gaz human, I, The Almight ZIM!, am curious as to what your activities are after school.~Zim **

I raised my eyebrow at him as he continued to ignore me. I wrote back:

**None of your business. ~Gaz**

** PS: Why do you shout your name even in letters? **

I slowly slipped the note back to Zim, which he proceeded to reply to.

**I am just bored and as FILTHY as you are, you might have some interesting activity going on after school. I DO NOT SHOUT IN MY LETTERS! ~Zim**

** Sure you don't … anyways after school I just have old boring detention and then I'm going home. Not that exciting. ~ Gaz **

** Yes…. These ANNOYING FILTHY teaching drones have primitive ways of discipline, but detention is simply torture. ~Zim **

Right at that moment my stupid teacher happened to walk by. Her heels clicked and she walked over and snatched the notes. Though all of my teachers are afraid of me, Mrs. Brenda is severely strict anyways. She takes punishments WAY over board.

She glared down at the scrap pieces of paper .

She mumbled' "Annoying and filthy?! Zim! One hour detention for disrespecting a teacher! Gaz Membrane, and hours detention added to your previous detention for note passing!" She said, as her last words rang throughout the classroom.

I looked over at Zim as it seemed that he and the teacher were having a glaring match. Mrs. Brenda's gaze was unwavering as she shot daggers. Zim seemed to have a fire starting in his eyes as he shot a slightly less scary look back at Mrs. Brenda. Finally Zim slumped down in his seat, signifying that a smirking Mrs. Brenda had won.

I let out a small smile and a chuckle, which Zim returned with a glare full of hurt pride. Even the mighty Irken solider couldn't stand up to a "Annoying, filthy, and primitive" Earth teacher. For the rest of the class Zim and I sat in silence as the monotone of Mrs. Brenda carried on. I suppose Zim was too afraid to question me more

Good, I didn't want to talk to him. I admit, I wanted to know where the conversation was going, but as conversations with Zim often do, I knew it would somehow backfire on me. Just being close to Zim results in me being manhandled as a temporary umbrella. Sometimes though, and if you come back and say I like him I'll kill you, I kind of enjoy being around Zim. He's so perplexing and unpredictable. I basically live in a world where I can predict everyone, but Zim is different.

Anyways, class was basically the same old boring thing. I was however hoping that it would drone on. As much as I hate being in skool, I hate being in detention 10 times more. Sooner or later though, it was time to visit detention.

I walked back to the Science Lab, where detention was being held. It seems kinda odd that they would hold detention in a science lab, but hey, that skool is crazy as it is! It's better that we don't question the sanity of the public skool system, or the public for that matter.

As I sat down with a mob of people at cramped desks I cursed at myself. From having frequent fights I knew the skool had devised a special type of torture specifically for detention. First, they cram you in desks made for kindergardeners. Then, they give you a boring old teacher that stares at you the whole time. Finally, they increase the volume of the clock ticking for intense headaches.

Once again Zim and I ended up sitting next to each other. However, Zim gave no sign of him acknowledging me so I decided not to start a conversation unless I really needed to. I gazed up as I saw none other than my brother's fifth grade nightmare, Mrs. Bitters. When I had taken my turn to be in her class I was just quiet the whole year and everything was fine. She was still frightening though.

No wonder they got that old bat to watch us, she had the eye of a hawk and would literally burn whoever dared defy her. Luckily I didn't plan on breaking any rules, I just wanted to rest my head. I still had an intense migrane. As I rested my head into the soft skin on my arms and closed my eyes, I sensed a presence looming over me. I looked up to see a sneering Miss Bitters. She got close to my face and said

"No sleeping in detention."

As she walked (Eh well she floated really) away I grumbled. I couldn't believe that this stupid teacher was telling me that I couldn't fall asleep! They couldn't expect to put us through something so boring, give us nothing to do, and expect us not to fall asleep. Maybe they were Miss Bitter's own cruel rules or maybe they were the skool board's, but either way I was determined to break them.

As I was FORCED to stay awake I gazed at several of my classmates leaving. One by one each several minutes they left. Rarely I ever envied anyone, but how I envied them. They were released from this torture while I was still chained down by the bonds of this punishment. Eventually everyone left until it was just Zim and I. As my headache grew worse Zim started to stare at me.

I scowled as I saw out of the corner of my eye him gazing at me. He wasn't glaring or smiling or anything, just an intent stare on me. I think him being an alien allowed his eyes to keep moisture because, and I swear, he did NOT blink at all. As much as it was aggravating me, it was also scaring me a little. It was mostly just awkward. But still, there was tension in the air and the last thing I needed was to get into a fight and serve MORE detention

Finally it was Zim's turn to leave. As he stood up he hesitated to look away from me. It's like he knew something was wrong. Finally he abruptly jerked his head around and swiftly made his way out of class. I sighed in relief. Never had I been so tense in my life! Now it was just the old crone and I.

We stared at each other for a while until Mr. Darwin burst through the door.

"Miss Bitters!" He yelled .

"What?!" Miss Bitters barked at him.

Mr. Darwin winced then regained his confidence.

"We need your assistance!" He said urgently.

"Fine I'm coming." Miss Bitters said as she walked out the door, knocking over a test tube.

Mr. Darwin seemed like he was going to inform Miss. Bitters that she knocked it over, but the words got caught in his throat as he saw her glare. They both walked out of the room as Miss Bitters slammed the door.

I winced and then calmed down. With Miss Bitters gone I could rest my eyes. Just rest my yes, not fall asleep. I assured that to myself as a let my head gently fall into my arms.

_I'm not gonna fall asleep…. _

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapters a little rushed so it has more spelling and grammar mistakes, plus its shorter and not quite as good. Sorry! I'll try to update as fast as I can while maintaining my quality. Wow! This story already has more reviews than all of my other stories combined! Keep reviewing and giving me ideas! The next chapter will be exciting I promise!**


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